How To Save Your Marriage

Except with extreme cases where there is infidelity, your marriage CAN be saved. It will be hard work, but it can be done. Use the solid steps you’ll find here and your whole life and relationship will change.

First, we’re going to examine the relationship between commitment and how it relates to saving your marriage.

Commitment is an interesting term. It means you are “in it for the long haul” with your partner. You’re really going to make this work.

There are some things we know that influence commitment to marriage. They are:

l    Income
l    Obligation
l    Family life
l    Feeling that your spouse is also committed

If any of these things are missing or flawed, there are bound to be some issues. That’s why opening up the lines of communication and laying a solid foundation are key to increasing commitment.

We’re going to talk about income later on, so for now let’s discuss obligation. Actually, the fact that you are reading this article in the first place shows that you feel somewhat obligated to save your marriage. That indicates a strong commitment, or at least a willingness to try, on your part.

A chunk of this feeling of obligation might come from your family life. If you have children, or just feel pressured to stay happy by your family, it can increase your commitment to trying to improve your marriage.

Lastly, feeling that your spouse is committed can increase (or decrease) your own level of commitment. If you know they want you to try to save the marriage, you might also try just because you feel like you owe it to them. On the flip side, if you know that your spouse is not committed it can decrease your own feelings of commitment. You no longer feel like you owe it to them because they’ve hurt you.

To fix any commitment issues, you to need to ensure that there is a solid foundation there. Many couples build their foundation on love alone. While that is a romantic notion, it’s not going to get you through marriage!

Being married and staying married takes hard work and dedication. Love is great, but it’s not going to support you when those feelings of anger, doubt, and resentment creep up. Having laid a solid foundation is the thing that’s going to help you.

Every healthy marriage takes work. If you aren’t willing to put your marriage first, it’s going to take a lot longer for both of you to heal and to stop any thoughts of divorce that might have popped up. Making your marriage a priority is the best way to make sure you recognize how in love you are and how happy you can be.

Part of making marriage your priority is taking time to be together as a couple. Sometimes letting loose like this is all you need to spark those old, happy feelings again! Shut down the TV, close the laptop, and get out of the house.

You can:

l    Go to the movies
l    Go on a dinner date
l    Go on a hike
l    Take a weekend vacation

This will not only renew your marriage, it will also renew your spirit. We all work too hard in our day jobs and the kids can certainly add some stress. Taking the time to be just the two of you again can give you the energy you need to handle the other things.

It’s also important to show your kids that you are committed to your marriage. If you’ve been fighting a lot lately, the chances are good that your children have noticed. They are probably scared right now that you’re going to get a divorce, and they might even be harboring feelings of guilt that it’s their fault.

Sit down and tell them that mommy and daddy weren’t handling things the right way before (this will show that you’re human too and make mistakes) but that you still love each other very much. Ask them if they’ve ever fought with a friend and how that makes them feel. They might understand better why mommy and daddy were mad.

This will also help you both make the commitment in your mind that you need to make this thing work. Your kids are counting on you to learn valuable communication and conflict resolution skills. Not only that, they love their parents. They want to see you happy again so you can go back to being the great family you are.

Religious persuasion aside, when you got married you entered into a covenant…a binding obligation in the sight of God, your family, friends, etc.  Undoubtedly you said some sort of wedding vow…Did you catch that word?  Wedding VOW.  Whether you spoke a traditional wedding vow or one that you and your spouse came up with, the point of that vow was to declare your (ready?) COMMITTMENT to one another.  After all, that is what a vow is!  I really don’t want to come across as harsh here — that’s not my goal!  But let me take this opportunity to remind you that no one promised you that your marriage would be problem free.  No one promised you that your marriage wouldn’t take WORK.

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

From this day….forward.  In all circumstances.  Until death do us part.

And if you are fortunate enough to be blessed with children, let me ask you this:

What are you teaching your child about the importance committment if you go ahead and break yours?

Seriously - think about that.