Dealing With Marital Conflict
Marital conflict is something that every married couple deals with. Couples with troubled marriages tend to think that marital conflict just affects them and that most other couples are happy. But the truth is that all marriages experience turmoil and conflict at times. The trick in getting past this is learning to deal with it quickly and maturely.
Marital conflict can arise for any number of reasons, though research shows that most forms of conflict within a marriage can be broken down into a few broad categories. Let me share those categories with you now. See if you can spot any of these in your own marriage.
1. Lack of communication - When spouses don’t communicate effectively or in a healthy way, arguments and conflicts inevitably come up. Each spouse must communicate freely and openly. Anything less will eventually lead to distrust.
2. Little to no commitment - A lack of commitment may actually be the primary reason for marital conflict in most relationships. Commitment means willing to stick it out no matter the circumstances or how hard it is. Commitment is being willing to go through not just the good times in marriage but also the bad.
3. Selfishness - All of us by nature are selfish creatures. We’ve all been born with that “survival of the fittest” attitude that governs so strongly in our lives whether we admit it or not. Unfortunately selfishness and marriage don’t mix too well. In fact, the very best marriages are marked by a pattern of unselfishness where each spouse is looking out for the interests of the other.
4. Unrealistic expectations - For some reason, men have a tendency to want their wives to act like their mother at times. Although this sounds like a silly example, it is far too common and always leads to problems. Similarly, some women expect their husbands to be Mr. Home Improvement when that isn’t always fair. Each of us has been created with different gifts and abilities. Expecting your spouse to be someone he or she isn’t will only harm your marriage.
If you see yourself or your marriage falling prey to the broad marital conflict categories above, let me assure you that there is hope. All marriages experience conflict and these are issues that can be worked through.