How To Save Your Marriage

The effects after divorce can be catastrophic. Many people (especially women) are at poverty levels after divorce. Even those who consider themselves fairly well off struggle with money and the division of assets. Depression, grief, and guilt are very common at this stage. One or both parties may wish they hadn’t gone through with it, and it feels like the death of their old lifestyle.

Clearly, the effects of divorce are not something that can be glamorized. It is a devastating time that can literally affect you for the rest of your life. That is why it’s so important to do what you can now. Let’s be honest, you still love your spouse dearly, and they love you as well. It’s just a matter of a breakdown in communication, and losing touch with what love really is.

Soon I’m going to go in depth with some action steps to ensure that you’re not going to have to deal with these things. Your marriage is going to be saved!

Historically, women have a much easier time with this concept than men. Don’t get too cocky women — sometimes the communication from women is so muddled that the man never really knows what you want!

There are two things at work here. First, the man tends to shut himself down when there is a problem. He is oriented on fixing the problem, and if he can’t do so right away, there is no sense in dealing with it. The book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus describes this as men retreating to “their cave”.

Women, on the other hand, tend to spill out their feelings to the man. The man reacts by offering solutions to problems, or by ignoring. Either way, the woman doesn’t feel like she is really being heard. Women also have a tendency to say one thing, and mean another. Men are often expected to be mind readers, which only leads to resentment and frustration from both sexes.

Understanding these differences in communicating, and making an active effort to communicate effectively is key.

In the early stages of dating, you are so excited about each other that you always tend to think of the other person first. It’s all about their needs and making them happy. As relationships wear on, there is less of that way of thinking and more of, “what about me?”

It’s the give and take that is important here. If one person is always giving and the other person is always taking, it breeds resentment. If neither person ever thinks of the other persons needs — well, that’s very off balance as well.

Listen up; love is not enough if you aren’t thinking about needs. We all need our egos stroked a bit and to feel like our desires are being met. Successful couples know that they often have to meet in the middle.