Make Sure Your Marriage Is Built On Trust
No matter how strong your commitment is, or how lovely your vows are, if you don’t trust your partner or your partner doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get anywhere. The same issues and feelings will just keep popping up time and time again!
This has to be dealt with now! Trust is key to having a healthy, committed relationship. If that trust has been broken time and time again (even once) it can destroy any attempts you make at staying together. If the trust is not there even minor things can make it seem like your marriage is doomed to failure.
It you don’t trust your partner it can really hinder your relationship in more ways than one. Not only are you waiting for them to “screw up” again, you are also decreasing your chances of intimacy. You’re probably less willing to share intimate thoughts than you had been in the past. In turn, they are less willing to share things with you that would otherwise lead to a healthy relationship.
That is why it is so important to rebuild trust! It will help you breathe again, and it will increase the chances that both of you share important and heartfelt information with one another.
Rebuilding trust is a two way street. If your partner keeps trying to prove that they are trustworthy and you won’t let go of the past, you’re never going to be able to move forward. Likewise, if your partner does things that are untrustworthy over and over, you’re never getting the chance to let go and help your relationship improve.
You need to sit down with one another and discuss the issues at hand here. Know that it’s very important for the health of your relationship for that trust and security to be there. Let your partner know that if they will always try to be honest, you will let go of the past and trust them in faith again.
That means you should not anticipate that they are going to screw up before they do! There is something in psychology that is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is usually attributed to children who are told they will be or will do something their whole lives (like saying “you’re bad at math” or “you’re a little terror!”), so they end up fulfilling that prophecy because it is the path of least resistance and it is expected anyway. This also holds true with relationships!
If you are constantly expecting your spouse to mess up, the path of least resistance will be for them to mess up. They know that you expect it, so why not do it anyway? Hopefully you can see how this is destructive all around.
If you want them to be honest you need to give them the chance to be honest. Don’t accuse them of things or get mad about things before they happen. Don’t give warnings over and over again (that they are already very clear on) or you’re setting yourself up for failure. Make your feelings known, but don’t dwell on the past and actually give your spouse the chance to improve.
Up until this point, we’ve been talking about rebuilding trust from something that your partner does or did wrong. What about you? No one is perfect, and it might be the case that your spouse finds you untrustworthy in some way. Have a discussion with your partner about this issue, and do your best to work on anything you might need to change about your habits.
Building trust can take a while, but if you make a conscious effort to not set your spouse up for failure you’ll be able to rebuild that trust a lot faster. Likewise, if you address your own issues that your partner might not trust you will both feel a lot more confident in the other person, and you’ll be able to open up intimacy and honesty again.
