How To Save Your Marriage

Just a quick word today, I was reminded of this while talking to a friend recently… While you do need to be patient and make sure you communicate things the right way, you don’t want to completely ignore things problem areas of your marriage either. Now, this is different than “not sweating the small stuff.” Letting go of those things is very healthy. If there are real issues, however, you should not ignore them or let them go.

It might be that your spouse is just not ready at this point in time to make those changes. If that’s the case, you need to decide whether or not you can wait it out a bit longer. Another idea is to take a completely different approach. If something bothers you that much, there will be a way to fix it, it’s just a matter of finding the method that will connect with your partner.

If there is something you want your spouse to change, first off you’re going to need to respect the virtues of being patient. Once you realize that old habits die hard, you can really do the required work it will take to change them. Show your spouse some empathy, but explain your side of things.

Be careful how you phrase this! Saying “you need to fix this now” will not get you as good of a response as “I was wondering if you would consider X”. Another tactic is to present an idea, but lead your spouse to come to their own conclusions.

We often resist things when we are told or commanded to do them. On the other hand, if we come up with the idea ourselves (even if it’s really the same idea) we take ownership of it. Not being forceful and, yes, being patient are key here.

In an earlier post we talked about the importance of walking in your spouse’s shoes…. well today I want to give you an actual quote you can use to help you do this!

Here we go:

“Is it going to be overwhelming for you at the family reunion on Sunday? Maybe you and the baby could go for a walk if it gets to be too much.”

Notice that the question recognizes that big events aren’t her thing. It also offers a suggestion as to how to make things better, while still acknowledging that you’re all going to the reunion as a family.  Obviously this is an example and your mileage may vary, but feel free to adapt this to whatever situation is applicable to you and yours!