How To Save Your Marriage

There are some things that go above and beyond communication problems and trust issues. Money is one of them! In fact, a very large percentage of marriages end because of problems that have to do with money. It has even been cited as the number one reason why couples argue and eventually divorce.

This is one case where communication won’t solve things. If you are deep in debt or are over your heads with money issues you need to take the right steps to resolve those issues. You also need to work together to do so.

A huge problem here is that couples tend to get emotional when they discuss money. Instead of talking about how to get out of debt, you argue about who spent what on the last credit card bill. The problems can get so bad that you feel like you’ll never escape the financial issues. That can put a huge burden on any marriage.

Now, you should really see a financial planner to work out the best solutions for you, but there are some common threads that are seen among couples from all over the world.

The first issue is having separate vs. joint bank accounts. While it might seem like your only option is to have a joint account, a lot of issues and squabbles can be ended with separate accounts or by having both. That way, those tiny, inconsequential purchases don’t end up as a major source of debate when the statements roll in. His and hers bank accounts can make financial and emotional sense as well.

Another issue is debt. There are many marriages where one person had a lot more debt than the other person. This can lead to feelings of resentment and guilt. It is important to realize that you are in this together. Talk about how you’re going to handle this debt, and work like mad until you can get out of it. It’s not time to play the blame game, because that doesn’t solve anything and just compounds the problem.

It can also cause problems if one person is a bigger spender than the other. If you find yourself having to chase down each other’s purchases it can certainly get tiresome. A better idea is to set a budget so you both know how much extra you have to spend. Have a limit set where you have to call each other before making a large purchase. Having things out in the open like this instead of hidden away is definitely best.

In a nutshell, you need to plan ahead and be open and honest about finances. Most of the problems occur because one of you is trying to “sneak one by” the other. Poor planning also leads to overspending and financial stress all around. When you’re smart with your finances, you’ll notice that your marriage is a lot easier to handle overall.

If you’re so deep in the depths of despair about your relationship that you don’t think you can bring up those old feelings of love again — don’t worry! There are some great strategies you can use to make sure you can rekindle those feelings all over again.

l    Read old love letters
l    Look at pictures of the two of you from when you were dating
l    Go back to where you first met
l    Look deep into their eyes
l    Hold hands
l    Cuddle, even if you don’t want to
l    Look at pictures of your wedding day and pay attention to the smiles
l    Think back to your engagement
l    Think of the feeling you got when you found out your were having a baby
l    Think of the feeling you had when your first child was born
l    Remember your wedding vows
l    Talk to friends to see that you’re not alone, and that every marriage has problems
l    Talk to your spouse about your feelings
l    Buy your spouse something
l    Write them a love letter
l    Ask them what they love about you
l    Go to a comedy show together (laughter heals)

Those are just some quick and simple suggestions of things you can do. You’ll notice that many of them are based on associating yourself with happy feelings from the past. That is because our emotions stay hooked to our memories. When you remember happier times and use mementoes to trigger emotions you’ll be able to rekindle your affections a lot more easily.

Every healthy marriage takes work. If you aren’t willing to put your marriage first, it’s going to take a lot longer for both of you to heal and to stop any thoughts of divorce that might have popped up. Making your marriage a priority is the best way to make sure you recognize how in love you are and how happy you can be.

Part of making marriage your priority is taking time to be together as a couple. Sometimes letting loose like this is all you need to spark those old, happy feelings again! Shut down the TV, close the laptop, and get out of the house.

You can:

l    Go to the movies
l    Go on a dinner date
l    Go on a hike
l    Take a weekend vacation

This will not only renew your marriage, it will also renew your spirit. We all work too hard in our day jobs and the kids can certainly add some stress. Taking the time to be just the two of you again can give you the energy you need to handle the other things.

It’s also important to show your kids that you are committed to your marriage. If you’ve been fighting a lot lately, the chances are good that your children have noticed. They are probably scared right now that you’re going to get a divorce, and they might even be harboring feelings of guilt that it’s their fault.

Sit down and tell them that mommy and daddy weren’t handling things the right way before (this will show that you’re human too and make mistakes) but that you still love each other very much. Ask them if they’ve ever fought with a friend and how that makes them feel. They might understand better why mommy and daddy were mad.

This will also help you both make the commitment in your mind that you need to make this thing work. Your kids are counting on you to learn valuable communication and conflict resolution skills. Not only that, they love their parents. They want to see you happy again so you can go back to being the great family you are.